Tuesday, July 15, 2008

More thoughts on my life as it stands

I have been thinking recently about the things I really want to do in my life – day to day, and as a goal. Last night I had a dream about Australia. I was staying at a good friend’s house and hanging out with them… then I was back in America. The dream felt so real to me, and today I felt at odds. Just that… at odds, and wishing more than anything that I was in Australia, in a leafy but warm suburb, feeling at home.

Sometimes I feel like I waste too many minutes in my day watching the clock tick by until it gets to 5pm. I’m at work 5 days a week. How many minutes and hours is that wishing I were elsewhere, doing something else, being somewhere else. It’s the thing I hate the most: wasting precious moments in my life. I know not every moment is going to be saturated with contentment, but I would like to feel fulfilled and like I’m doing what I enjoy. I have a brilliant job, I really do, don’t get me wrong. I think I have the nicest boss possible. A team I sincerely enjoy working with. I’m good at what I want to do. But this isn’t my dream. I’m still figuring it out I think. Some kids have it figured out in their early 20’s. I’m between my mid to late 20’s and still clueless as to what my dream is. I know the things I love to do. I love being at the beach, sitting under an umbrella and reading a book. Splashing about in clear water on a hot day. Bushwalking, bikeriding. Playing the piano – which I should do more of. Thrift shopping. Living in a big beautiful city close to the water and taking in the personality of my surroundings while drinking a cup of coffee (decaf that!). Being with my friends and bantering. Watching old 30’s and 40’s movies. I do some of these things to an extent, but have been feeling less fulfilled recently.

I love my husband and we have a great relationship, although very little in common besides our beliefs and our love of travelling. Debt ties you down with no way out, meaning the only option is to “do what you can”. I shouldn’t complain really. This isn’t a complaining post. But rather trying to figure my thoughts out. Where I’m at. A good friend of mine here who is recently in her 40’s said she used to look forward to her 30’s thinking she would have it all figured out. But now… she is really enjoying her 40’s, saying she was still insecure and working it all out in her 30’s. Maybe 40 is the new 30 then.

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