Thoughts

I have so much to write about. I wish I had a chance to blog when overseas. Now I'm back in Southern California in my living room with no voice. Its Friday. We got back Thursday night.

England was just lovely. I love England. Its a country that resonates with me and I could happily live in, with Daniel. Unfortunately Daniel doesn't feel the same way. He doesn't mesh with England, just like I don't mesh with California. I have tried for four years, but its not happening. Ce La Vie. I feel like I've overstayed my welcome in California. Or maybe California has overstayed its welcome with me. I know its definitely time to leave because I'm starting to resent this place. When flying back in from England I didn't feel like I was flying home. I felt like I was flying back into a country I didn't want to be in, that I felt nothing for. Either way we've grown tired of each other and being away gave me some wonderful perspective on life. I needed to get out, to enjoy other cultures, to be with my family. I find Americans to be very much "its all about America". Many do not see outside of their Californian world. Not all Californians are like that - in fact, many I know aren't - I have many beautiful friends here. But there are many people who will make comments like "you don't speak properly" "you don't say things the right way". Pah to that. Comments like that get old. I think to myself "do you know how ignorant you sound?" - but whats the point of saying this? Going away reminds me that there are different languages, different accents, different ways of doing things outside of California's bubble of warm weather and "everything is perfect". These things are obvious - and things I've always known of course. But experiencing different cultures was so refreshing. So very needed. I might sound cynical, but thats how it gets when you've outgrown a place. I'm not sure I ever grew into it here. Being away reminded me I can't live my life feeling guilty about living in my home country, for living my life near my own family and friends - and that living here isn't the life for me. I've made a decision to switch off any emotions felt when made to feel guilty about moving back to my home. Because life friends is meant to be enjoyed, to be grasped with both hands and to be made the most of. We cannot live our lives through other people