NYE

Tonight I was feeling a little sad. Daniel had organized his day of boardgames with various friends throughout the day. I was fine with that - and made plans accordingly. I decided to work today, run an errand after work, then go to the bookstore after dinner - read for hours then go to the gym to work out and watch Law & Order (one of my favourite things to do!). I have come to love the gym in an incredible way. Its my down time. And my time to watch all the cop shows/law shows that Daniel dislikes and which our crappy cable doesn't show at decent hours. I am of course too disorganized to tape them.

So while my carefully planned agenda fell through, it didn't turn out so bad after all. I ran my errand then decided to go out for a drink. Solo style, because sometimes I'm that kind of girl. I contemplated ringing one of my friends, but decided I felt like being alone. I went to The Wine Spot, sat at the swanky bar, and cradled my $11 glass ($13 inc tip) of wine and drank away my imagined sorrows. Although it was a pricey glass of wine, I figured my New Years Eve was way less expensive than 95% of the rest of the nations. At the bottom of the glass the imagined sorrows disappeared and my mood lightened. So I went home, chatted with the boys and made dinner. We had mexican. Mole, pinto bean brisket, salsa, spanish rice, flour tortilla's and all the sides that go along with that. It was a good hearty meal and we had some laughs. That is Daniel, me and his nerdy but lovable friends.

And now, its 10:30pm and I'm feeling a little lame for being so tired. I should be partying it up and feeling eager for the new year. Instead I'm eager for some sweet dreams. Southern California is no Sydney when it comes to New Years. We get no fireworks, views of fireworks and city lights. Instead its cold and nothing much is happening. I love fireworks so get disappointed every year when we don't have them. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, but I'm not. There's a little kid in all of us. In me I still have the part that gets excited about fireworks.

So New Years Resolutions? I don't have any really. I've given up on them. It probably sounds cynical - but hey, I'm 30 and allowed to give up on some things. As long as its not the important things. While there's no New Years Resolutions, I am excited for the new year and all that will come along with it. I'm excited to go to England next month to see my parents and to Paris for the first time. I've always wanted to go to Paris - and its finally happening. And moving home. I can finally say "this year we're moving home". It conjures up feelings of hope, excitement and relief. There's light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. By the time we leave I would have lived here 4.75 years. Thats 2.75 years more than I intended. Its been great here, it really has. You can be happy anywhere if you put your heart in it. I'm looking forward to the creature comforts of home though and feeling like I belong. I have a great group of friends here, people I love. A job I love. I wish I could take my job with me! There are things about America I'll miss to no end - and I probably won't be able to shut up about the place. Somehow a part of me still feels a little lost here. I wonder if Daniel will feel that same way in Australia. Maybe its just unavoidable. Maybe it'll be easier for him, since he's a guy and way more logical and sensible than me :) I hope so. I feel like I've given America my all. I am "super" grateful for this experience and for getting to know Daniel's family and be able to understand my husband better. I think we needed that.

So now I'm drinking chamomile tea and am about to watch "Sunset Boulevard". I think thats a great way to see the new year in.

May you all have a prosperous year - and may your first child, be a masculine one.

ps. If this post sounds too melancholy, you've probably been drinking too much.
pps. I probably don't drink enough. One glass of wine on new years? Lame.